Family Christmas Letter 2019

Dear Family & Friends,

Can I be honest with you all? You know, I really didn't feel like writing our family letter or sending out any pictures or cards. And I thought, "That's ok!" But, my kiddos kept asking when we were going to hand out our usual cards and gifts for teachers, neighbors, the mailman...So a few guilt trips later and here I am. Haha!

I thought I'd write up a short and sweet one, just to check in...And to let you know that we do indeed love you all and think about you and miss you and wish we could be spending this season together. What a treasure "time" is! Time shared with our loved ones...Precious memories shared in stories past and new memories made in fun adventures!

My hope for this new year is to create "simple" memories...Having my eyes opened up more to the everyday, in the moment opportunities to make meaningful memories...and not just the scheduled busy ones!

I pray you and your's will also find your "in the moment" memories in this new year!

Here's a bit of what's going on with our fam...

Victoria - She's taken a semester off of school to focus on work and a musical (Chicago...the musical, not the city) that she's in. She's very excited! She's had a promotion at work and is looking to climb that ladder even further...Haha! We're very proud of her! Oh and P.S. she brought home a puppy that she named Rusty, after Grandpa Russ. Sigh...I tolerate her...Haha!

Jordan - Not even a year out of high school just yet and this guy is hard at work! He works at our local burger place and was encouraged by the General Manager and then promoted to manger after only about a year and a half! He and some friends built his very own computer and he's participated in gaming tournaments...He's very techy...Haha! He will often say things that my brain can't even fathom sometimes! I'm impressed with him every time he opens his mouth...He's a genius!

Kaylie - Will be 17 this coming year and is a junior in high school. She's now taking online courses for school instead of attending a traditional school, and is enjoying the freedom that brings! Her new puppy Aria (yep, another stinking puppy!) and boyfriend Xavier keep her busy! She's also been looking for a job so she can spread those wings!

Grace - Will be 15 next month and is in her first year of high school! She's also taking online classes instead of attending traditional school. She enjoys working at her own pace without the distraction and demands of a classroom setting. She's still interested in teaching herself songs on her ukulele and singing. She also loves the makeup and hair dye this year...Haha!

Isabella - Just turned 13 and is in the 7th grade. She's in her second year at our local Catholic school and still loves it! She's still very involved in ALL the things...Sports, new one this year was volleyball, Drama Club, they're doing 'Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat', Choir, Band, basically anything and everything! I honestly don't know how this girl has so much energy! I get exhausted just watching her...Haha!

Joshua - Just turned 11 and is in the 5th grade. He's still homeschooling and when I bring up him attending school with Bella next year...Ummm...He'd rather just not! Haha! He's my homebody. So, we'll see how that goes. He's very techy like JoJo and these two have plans to attend game tournaments together...Haha! Right now Joshua is in the planning phase of building a battle bot. He loves robotics and figuring out how things work! Also he loves hiphop...both music and dancing! That kid has mad skills!

Bryanna - She'll be 9 this coming year and is in the 3rd grade. She's also still homeschooling, but is excited at the prospect of attending school. Bryanna is a true social butterfly through and through! She's already planning all the extracurricular activities that she'd like to be a part of...Haha! She's still my magical, glitter princess, rainbow loving, unicorn riding, mermaid girl! I just love her creative spirit! She dances and sings through life...Literally!

John - He's a big 3 year old now! And oooh man, he's got that "three-nager" attitude thing down man! His facial expressions are hilarious! You never have to try and guess how he's feeling cause his face will for sure tell you...even just his eyebrows...Haha! It's hard to correct him most times cause you just want to laugh...Sigh! And then his activity level! Ummm...He has two...Sleeping and Crack! Oh but his love! He has the biggest sweetest heart...and his snuggles are even bigger! He's like a spider-monkey monster truck mixed with a cuddly bunny...Haha! It's kinda unfair he has to grow up! Although, he says he's still my baby. I will ask, "Hey Buddy, are you my big boy?" He says, "No Mama, I a baby not big!" I'm good with it...Haha!

And now, Gary - He's growing his company...or I should say, God continues to truly bless his company each year! He's always got new plans in the works and ideas that he just can't wait to pull out of his head and put into motion! He's got such a huge heart for his clients and seeing their businesses grow and flourish! He's so very creative and what a talent he has! He's very excited for what's in store for 2020!

And then me, Christina or Tina - Honestly, 2019 has been a rough year for me. It seems almost immediately it went from "Happy New Year!" to "Ugh!" Emotionally, Physically, Mentally...Sigh! I'm usually not this honest, but you know what...it's ok to be sometimes. This year was not my favorite and it's ok to admit that. My dad, Russ learned his cancer returned after such a miraculous gift of a new heart and liver...I was angry with God. I had another cardiac arrest...I was angry at God. I "came out" as a Catholic and lost many friends...I was angry at God. My dad's health declined quickly...I was angry at God. Finances were tough this year...I was angry at God. My marriage has been through the ringer this year...I was angry at God. My dad just passed early last month due to the cancer spreading like wildfire though his body...I so desperately wanted to, but couldn't be angry at God. And then it hit me...God has been here with me, with my dad, with my husband, with my family, with all involved, though ALL of it. All of the joys and all of our sorrows...and all the in betweens. It took me a minute, but God brought me back to see His many blessings in all that this year held. His sovereign hand was and is over it all. His goodness is sometimes difficult to see when we're blinded by our own versions of the way things should be. I'm not bad for wanting things to be easy-peasy and awesome, but I shouldn't be angry when things go differently...especially at my Lord. Instead those are the times that I need to fully trust in Him and fall into His arms and allow Him to carry me through. He has never failed me and He won't start now. I don't know what 2020 has in store...But, I pray my heart is turned toward allowing God's will to be done and for me to anticipate His goodness!

Thank you for bearing with me through our family letter this year and letting me share. So much for short and sweet...Haha! I pray you and yours have a wonderful Christmas and a very happy New Year! May you see our good God's blessing all year long!

With Lots of Love, The Morris Crew

A Memorial for Dad

It's so hard having to saying goodbye to a parent. I've had to do so now twice. And I assure you it doesn't ever get any easier. If anything, it just gets harder.

Today is the memorial service for my Father, Russ. We were asked to share some words. That was actually a much harder task than I anticipated. For one, we were asked to share a short paragraph. Well, if you know me, you know that I'm pretty long winded. Soooo a "short paragraph"? Haha! But second, my heart is just so heavy and emotional right now. My mind just can't gather my thoughts. There's so much I want to share of him. So much story to tell of who he is and who he is to me.

Maybe it's because I feel like I didn't get enough time with him. My children didn't get to have enough time with him. There was still so much more I wanted to learn from him and talk to him about and plans and things and stuff! It all just seems so unfair.

Even though dad was technically my dad for all my life, I didn't know him as such until I was 18 years old. This coming February 2020, it would have been 24 years (That story can be found here). Maybe I feel a bit ripped off? Shorted? I don't know...Just brokenhearted.

Please don't get me wrong, growing up with my Dad, John who raised me was awesome! He was my very best friend! I would never want to go back and change a thing! Growing up he was our superhero and frankly, our everything! And losing him unexpectedly in 2011 was devastating (that story can be found here). Maybe it's that I didn't get enough time with either of them...my two dads. But, do we ever get to a point in life where we feel it's been long enough? Yeah, probably not.

I think it's because I've finally gotten to a point in my life where I was getting "used to" (if that's even a such thing) living with a piece of my heart missing...and then I lose another.

To have to go through each holiday, birthdays, special days...everyday. It's so hard. You think of something you want to ask, you have something hilarious happen and want to share, your heart is sad and you just need to hear their words of wisdom. You see them in your children's smile, the twinkle in their eyes and in the waves of their hair. You hear them in yourself as you tell an obnoxious joke and let out a hearty belly laugh! You hear them in the tenderness of your voice and feel them in the comfort of your arms as you console your little ones' hearts. You sense their presence when you're alone and lost in your thoughts...you just miss them so deeply.

You want to keep their spirits alive, so you share stories of anything and everything you can think of...even the simple ones.

And the dreams...Those precious blessed gifts from God you receive here and there to let you know that everything is much more than just ok...but wonderful and oh so beautiful!

The world moves on...even you...and sometimes it seems unfair.

Wait! Let me tell you more about the ones I love! Please don't forget! Please sit and listen...

I realize it's ok to hurt, to grieve, to share and never let go...

It's not a sickness or a disorder.

It's expected...And, should be.

Death isn't joyful or happy.

Death is the cause of brokenness.

But, I trust that God uses ALL things...

He gave us His only Son, Jesus

And He came to defeat death!

And in Him we have a promise!

Until then, it's ok to mourn when we must say goodbye...

But it's only just for now...

Because after all...
Weeping may endure for a night,
But joy comes in the morning
~Psalm 30:5

And so, I will also try to celebrate! Celebrate in the memories. Celebrate who they were...who they are! And more importantly, what's to come!

Here's my "short paragraph" for Dad...

Uncle Russ with the cool big red truck. My dad's friend. The really nice guy who let us climb all over his truck and even him too!

Until the day I discovered he wasn't just "Uncle Russ".

Instead, I learned he was actually my father. A secret kept for 18 years...from me, from him, from many others.

It's funny to look back on those days...My heart knew his already and his knew mine. It just needed to be reminded somehow that we were each other's.

There wasn't this awkward trying to get to know each other stage...He quickly became my father and I, his daughter. Like we just picked right up where we left off as if in another life...Probably just the way it should have always been.

My heart is forever grateful to have been reconnected with my father, who became one of my best friends, my hero, an amazing role model to not just myself, but his grandchildren!

I am honored to be called his daughter.

To everything there is a season,
A time for every purpose under heaven:
A time to be born,
And a time to die;
A time to plant,
And a time to pluck what is planted;
A time to kill,
And a time to heal;
A time to break down,
And a time to build up;
A time to weep,
And a time to laugh;
A time to mourn,
And a time to dance...
~Ecclesiastes 3:1-4

And what a beautiful joy it is now for dad to be dancing with our good and kind Lord!

 

Goodbye for now...Until we meet again Dad! 

Chasing A Deer With Grandpa...

My second journal entry of my little John's dreams...visions...thoughts? I'm really not sure exactly what they are...Haha!

My first is here...

Little John wakes up from a nap and after a while says, "Mama I go outside with Grandpa Russ."

"Oh did you have a dream of Grandpa Russ?"

"Nooo, I go outside with Grandpa Russ!"

I laugh..."Ok Buddy, well what did you guys do outside?"

"We see a deer."

"You did? How cool!"

"Yeah it was looking at us."

"What were you and Grandpa doing?"

"Grandpa laugh, Grandpa say, 'Go get him John!'"

"So did you chase the deer?"

"Yeah, I do!"

"Did you catch him?"

"No, he's running."

"Well, then what happened Buddy?"

"The deer stop and he look at me."

"Oh, what did the deer look like?"

"He a little bit big with like a tree on his head."

I laugh..."Like branches? Do you mean antlers Buddy?"

"Oh yeah!"

"What did you do next?"

"I going back to Grandpa and he smile at me."

"Awwwwe...and then what Buddy?"

"Grandpa laughing and say, do it again, go get him!"

"Then what did you do?"

"I do it again...I laughing...Grandpa he smile at me."

(Saturday, November 16, 2019)

I have no idea about what these dreams or visions or whatever this is, is all about...Haha! But I sure do love them!

I can totally see this happening! Dad truly loved nature and he's so playful and fun! I can hear them both laughing and being silly.

My heart breaks knowing this was just a dream...My little guy won't be able to experience that silliness with Grandpa Russ. But what a precious dream...How sweet to experience this with his Grandpa, if even for a moment.

"Go get him John!"

Walking On The Sun...

So my littlest guy, John told me and my oldest daughter, Victoria something pretty dang amazing...

"Mama, I saw Grandpa Russ on the stairs."

It was said very matter of fact. Nothing exciting...just letting me know.

He's 3, so I humored him.

"You did?"

"Yep, I did. On the stairs."

"Well, did he say anything to you?"

"Yep, he did."

"What did he say?"

"Well...He say, I love you...Hmmm...He say, I love you John."

"Awwwe...That's so nice Buddy."

"Then what happened?"

"Ummm..."

"What was he wearing?"

"A t-shirt."

"Oh cool, a t-shirt? What color?"

"Hmmm...Kinda like pink."

"That's cool Buddy." I giggle a little.

"Mama, Grandpa was walking on the sun!"

He was very excited now!

"Ummm...What do you mean Buddy?"

"Grandpa was bright and shiny."

My daughter and I look at each other. Ok...Now I'm intrigued.

"Wait, what?"

"Grandpa was walking on the sun...He was bright!"

"He smile at me!"

"Where was I Buddy when this happened?"

"Oh you bye-bye on the plane!"

(Thursday, November 7, 2019)

I promised my sister I would start journaling things like this, so that I could go back and remember. So, I decided to write it down, but also post here to my blog as backup just in case something happened to my notebook.

When I shared with my husband later in the evening, he gasped and said, "I think I know when he's talking about!"

They were outside on the day (Sunday, November 3, 2019) my dad (Grandpa Russ) passed. My oldest and I were still in California with family. It had just gotten dark and my little guy said to my husband, "Dad why is it so bright out here?" My husband was confused because it was obviously not bright...like, at all...it was definitely dark out. John insisted it was bright out, "It's so bright, like the sun!" My husband thought he was just being silly.

A couple days later my husband told me that he just couldn't stop thinking about what I told him and asked John about it further.

He said that he asked about him seeing Grandpa walking on the sun and John was very adamant it happened. My husband then asked John, "So what happened after that? Do you know where Grandpa Russ is now?" John simply said, "The Holy"

I know some people aren't really into things like this...Honestly, I never was either. But, I so praise God for it!

I talked to a few people about what happened here and I trust that God has indeed given my little guy a precious little miracle to share with his family.

My baby is three years old...He's never given us any reason to not believe or trust him.

And how very exciting for him to see his Grandpa Russ, walking on the sun!

It's Not Goodbye, But See You Soon...

I've been trying to find the words to say as I share about Dad. I have sat down several times and had to get back up and walk away. My heart is so heavy. I apologize to those who have been praying and following his journey. I'm so sorry if it seems like I'm avoiding you or ignoring you. I'm so sorry it's taking me a while to return phone calls and messages.

I guess I felt like when I finally posted something, things would be...Official. I'm not sure I'm ready for that just yet.

My Father, Russell Blanchard went home to the Lord on Sunday, November 3rd at about 2:25 in the afternoon. The Lord's Day. In the now providential prayerful words of my Uncle, "It was a good day to go home to Jesus." It was peaceful and you could feel the presence of God as he breathed his last breaths. He was surrounded by those who love him deeply.

I am so thankful to have been able to spend this time with him...heartbreaking but so very precious. I will treasure each and every moment. The time spent with family praying, laughing, sharing memories, and the many tears shed will forever be etched on my heart. 

And then those very last moments...When you knew...You just knew...Heart wrenchingly beautiful. If that even makes any sense. Desperately wanting to go back, to hold on, but knowing he was free. It was a bittersweet exhale. No more pain, released from the agony of this fallen imperfect world and in the presence of God. 

I will forever be grateful for the extra time God so miraculous gave Dad...I would be lying if I said it was enough. It's never enough for us, is it? But, it was perfectly enough for God. And, I trust Him. 

Dad, I love you so very much. I praise God for the gift of you in my life. I am so honored to be your daughter. You have been such a wonderful father. A true example of selfless love. Thank you for your honest and sincere heart. Thank you for your love of Christ! I will hold you with me always. And, although my heart is aching and I already miss you so very much, I know this is not goodbye, but instead, see you soon! Because there are no goodbyes in Christ! 

And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen.
~ 1 Peter 5:10-11

"He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”
~ Revelation 21:4

Until we meet again Dad! 

A New Chapter ~ Dad's Courageous Journey

Just recently I asked for much prayer...I made lots of phone calls, text messages, asked my prayer groups, posted on all the social media sites I could think of and posted on my blog. 

See, dad's courageous fight with his second battle of cancer looks like it very well may be coming to an end. 

We knew the time we have with him is very precious and wanted to soak up as many moments we could! A couple weeks ago all his kiddos (5 of us!) flew into California from Colorado, Kansas, Oklahoma, Michigan and Maryland...Yeah, we're pretty spread out! We rented a beautiful secluded home for 4 days, kidnapped dad and enjoyed our time away, spending much needed time together with him. We didn't realize just how much needed that time together truly was. The very day, less than half an hour before I had to leave to check in for my flight, he received a phone call from one of his many doctors, that his cancer has metastasized and is spreading much more aggressively. This, as you can imagine, was quite discouraging for him. He just handed me the phone mid-conversation to continue the call for him. My heart sank. 

Dad has been through so much these past few years. You wouldn't believe it if you didn't know him! If you are just now reading about dad, you can find his first post on his history here, the second post on his transplants here and then the third and most recent posting regarding the return of his cancer here. He is a true hero! Bravely taking head-on all obstacles he must face. Never willing to give up faith. Always with a kind and sweet disposition. Always apologizing and over apologizing if he feels in anyway that he's being a trouble maker...Haha!  Always genuinely thanking every single person he comes in contact with for his care, from the dr's to housekeeping. And it truly shows, because the staff always falls in love with dad and become part of his gimormous cheering section! 

Less than a week of us kids returning home, dad was brought into the ER as he wasn't doing very well at all and was quickly admitted into the hospital once again. To much heartbreak, it was discovered that his poor body is riddled with cancerous tumors. It's become too much. Us kiddos are once again each flying out to be close to him once again. Dad is being discharged from the hospital tomorrow and will be returning home. This new chapter from here is hospice care at home...Surrounded by family. Surrounded by those whom adore him and admire his strength as he ever so bravely fought these many battles.

I am asking those that read this to please pray...Please pray for Dad. Please pray for us, his children. Please pray for our family. Please pray for all who love him, whose lives have been touched by his. It's so hard to know exactly what to pray for. He is in such terrible pain...constant agonizing pain. I want him freed and released from that...But I so desperately and selfishly want more time with our Dad...Grandfather, brother, son, friend to so many and hero! 

I am so beyond thankful to God for giving us more time with dad by blessing him with the precious life-sustaining gift of those transplants. I trust our good and gracious God whose thoughts and ways are not my own...But much much higher! I trust that ALL things work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose! I know that when Dad breathes his last breath and closes his eyes for the last time here on earth, he will be in the presence of our loving Father...His fight will have been won and he'll be free! I have no doubt that he will feel the arms of my Savior wrapped around him in a most tender warm embrace and hear the words, "Well done!" 

 Dad & Us Kids October 2019

Dad's Courage ~ A Journey of Another Kind

I haven’t written an update on dad and his journey in quite a while. Frankly, it’s been pretty rough emotionally to share. But, I realized that we need help...The prayerful miraculous kind we received around this same time a year ago.

I truly covet your prayers as my family petitions the throne of God with every ounce of hope we’ve got!

Some of you may remember my dad’s heart and liver transplant journey almost a year ago now. Those postings can be found here for the original first post and here for the second post.

I asked for much prayer then...and so many did just that! It was a roller coaster ride with lots of ups and downs...But God ultimately showed up in a mighty and miraculous way!

He was doing awesome and healing quicker than the doctors expected! His kidneys, which were also supposed to be transplanted but because of complications during the transplant surgery, weren’t, but have bounced right back and he still hasn’t needed a lick of dialysis! This itself was also a huge miracle! He was doing wonderfully and so very thankful for this gift of life!

In February though he started having severe abdominal pain. The dr’s discovered that the prostate cancer he had prior to his transplants returned, but more aggressive than before...Stage 4. This is due to the immunosuppressive drugs he must be on to keep his body from rejecting the transplanted organs. He did start hormone and chemo treatments which has lowered his PSA levels back to a normal range and significantly shrunk the tumor. Unfortunately it was also recently discovered that the cancer has metastasized and Monday morning we learned that this new/separate tumor is also cancerous. The name for this cancer is, Poorly Differentiated Squamous Cell Carcinoma and it is very invasive and very aggressive.

As you can imagine, this diagnosis has hit him very hard and he is very discouraged.

I am asking once again for sooo much prayer! Please if you know any prayer warriors, I ask that you ask them to pray for our father. We saw mountains moved while he was waiting for his transplants! I know my God, the creator of the universe, who holds all things in his hands, is mighty to save!