Chasing A Deer With Grandpa...

My second journal entry of my little John's dreams...visions...thoughts? I'm really not sure exactly what they are...Haha!

My first is here...

Little John wakes up from a nap and after a while says, "Mama I go outside with Grandpa Russ."

"Oh did you have a dream of Grandpa Russ?"

"Nooo, I go outside with Grandpa Russ!"

I laugh..."Ok Buddy, well what did you guys do outside?"

"We see a deer."

"You did? How cool!"

"Yeah it was looking at us."

"What were you and Grandpa doing?"

"Grandpa laugh, Grandpa say, 'Go get him John!'"

"So did you chase the deer?"

"Yeah, I do!"

"Did you catch him?"

"No, he's running."

"Well, then what happened Buddy?"

"The deer stop and he look at me."

"Oh, what did the deer look like?"

"He a little bit big with like a tree on his head."

I laugh..."Like branches? Do you mean antlers Buddy?"

"Oh yeah!"

"What did you do next?"

"I going back to Grandpa and he smile at me."

"Awwwwe...and then what Buddy?"

"Grandpa laughing and say, do it again, go get him!"

"Then what did you do?"

"I do it again...I laughing...Grandpa he smile at me."

(Saturday, November 16, 2019)

I have no idea about what these dreams or visions or whatever this is, is all about...Haha! But I sure do love them!

I can totally see this happening! Dad truly loved nature and he's so playful and fun! I can hear them both laughing and being silly.

My heart breaks knowing this was just a dream...My little guy won't be able to experience that silliness with Grandpa Russ. But what a precious dream...How sweet to experience this with his Grandpa, if even for a moment.

"Go get him John!"

Walking On The Sun...

So my littlest guy, John told me and my oldest daughter, Victoria something pretty dang amazing...

"Mama, I saw Grandpa Russ on the stairs."

It was said very matter of fact. Nothing exciting...just letting me know.

He's 3, so I humored him.

"You did?"

"Yep, I did. On the stairs."

"Well, did he say anything to you?"

"Yep, he did."

"What did he say?"

"Well...He say, I love you...Hmmm...He say, I love you John."

"Awwwe...That's so nice Buddy."

"Then what happened?"

"Ummm..."

"What was he wearing?"

"A t-shirt."

"Oh cool, a t-shirt? What color?"

"Hmmm...Kinda like pink."

"That's cool Buddy." I giggle a little.

"Mama, Grandpa was walking on the sun!"

He was very excited now!

"Ummm...What do you mean Buddy?"

"Grandpa was bright and shiny."

My daughter and I look at each other. Ok...Now I'm intrigued.

"Wait, what?"

"Grandpa was walking on the sun...He was bright!"

"He smile at me!"

"Where was I Buddy when this happened?"

"Oh you bye-bye on the plane!"

(Thursday, November 7, 2019)

I promised my sister I would start journaling things like this, so that I could go back and remember. So, I decided to write it down, but also post here to my blog as backup just in case something happened to my notebook.

When I shared with my husband later in the evening, he gasped and said, "I think I know when he's talking about!"

They were outside on the day (Sunday, November 3, 2019) my dad (Grandpa Russ) passed. My oldest and I were still in California with family. It had just gotten dark and my little guy said to my husband, "Dad why is it so bright out here?" My husband was confused because it was obviously not bright...like, at all...it was definitely dark out. John insisted it was bright out, "It's so bright, like the sun!" My husband thought he was just being silly.

A couple days later my husband told me that he just couldn't stop thinking about what I told him and asked John about it further.

He said that he asked about him seeing Grandpa walking on the sun and John was very adamant it happened. My husband then asked John, "So what happened after that? Do you know where Grandpa Russ is now?" John simply said, "The Holy"

I know some people aren't really into things like this...Honestly, I never was either. But, I so praise God for it!

I talked to a few people about what happened here and I trust that God has indeed given my little guy a precious little miracle to share with his family.

My baby is three years old...He's never given us any reason to not believe or trust him.

And how very exciting for him to see his Grandpa Russ, walking on the sun!

It's Not Goodbye, But See You Soon...

I've been trying to find the words to say as I share about Dad. I have sat down several times and had to get back up and walk away. My heart is so heavy. I apologize to those who have been praying and following his journey. I'm so sorry if it seems like I'm avoiding you or ignoring you. I'm so sorry it's taking me a while to return phone calls and messages.

I guess I felt like when I finally posted something, things would be...Official. I'm not sure I'm ready for that just yet.

My Father, Russell Blanchard went home to the Lord on Sunday, November 3rd at about 2:25 in the afternoon. The Lord's Day. In the now providential prayerful words of my Uncle, "It was a good day to go home to Jesus." It was peaceful and you could feel the presence of God as he breathed his last breaths. He was surrounded by those who love him deeply.

I am so thankful to have been able to spend this time with him...heartbreaking but so very precious. I will treasure each and every moment. The time spent with family praying, laughing, sharing memories, and the many tears shed will forever be etched on my heart. 

And then those very last moments...When you knew...You just knew...Heart wrenchingly beautiful. If that even makes any sense. Desperately wanting to go back, to hold on, but knowing he was free. It was a bittersweet exhale. No more pain, released from the agony of this fallen imperfect world and in the presence of God. 

I will forever be grateful for the extra time God so miraculous gave Dad...I would be lying if I said it was enough. It's never enough for us, is it? But, it was perfectly enough for God. And, I trust Him. 

Dad, I love you so very much. I praise God for the gift of you in my life. I am so honored to be your daughter. You have been such a wonderful father. A true example of selfless love. Thank you for your honest and sincere heart. Thank you for your love of Christ! I will hold you with me always. And, although my heart is aching and I already miss you so very much, I know this is not goodbye, but instead, see you soon! Because there are no goodbyes in Christ! 

And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen.
~ 1 Peter 5:10-11

"He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”
~ Revelation 21:4

Until we meet again Dad!