See, I somehow "accidentally" became involved with 40 Days For Life this year. Ok, I don't really believe it was an accident. But, God ordained and orchestrated by The Holy Spirit. This Fall I participated in their 40 day campaign, which consists of fasting and prayer for the unborn and an end to abortion. I also committed time to go and pray outside of one of our local abortion facilities.
The very first day that I was scheduled to pray, I was so excited...a little nervous, but mostly excited. This was going to be kind of fun, I thought. Driving there with my children, I was so full of joy, praying, singing praise songs and dancing in my heart. I know I must have been sporting quite the huge smile too...Haha! When I parked at the facility I excitedly and cheerfully joined the other prayer volunteers with my little ones. We walked to our designated area and I proudly held my "Pray To End Abortion" sign and I felt awesome! That was a very short lived feeling...Almost immediately I was screamed at by one of the abortion minded mother for bringing my little ones to something like this. "How dare you!" The woman screamed at me...I was startled. She continued, "Don't you have any concern for those women in there who may be offended by the sight of little children?!" Oh, she was furious...I felt scared. She walked toward us and I moved slightly in front of my children...just in case. She screamed some more and then turned away and walked into the clinic. She was starting to make me angry. I wanted to yell back at her and defend my reasoning for bringing my children. On the way home I started thinking maybe I shouldn't have brought them, and maybe the next time I wouldn't. I was feeling torn and confused...I was no longer excited about being there. I didn't like being yelled at. I felt uncomfortable.
The next day while praying at home I knew that it was the right thing in bringing my children. The sight of them obviously touched something in this woman's conscience...and it was good. She may want to deny the fact that she is choosing to abort an actual baby...her baby, but her heart, her conscience knows better. And, my children reminded her of that truth. I decided that I would continue bringing them with me whenever I was scheduled to go and pray.
When we went the very next time, on the way driving instead of singing and smiling, I prayed...I prayed for protection...I prayed that God would keep my children and myself, the other prayer volunteers, the abortion minded mothers and especially their babies safe. My demeanor and my heart were much more somber and I knew this day would be different. And oh my heart was emotionally beaten up that day! We called out to several women going in and even men that were accompanying them. Most ignored us or just said a very quick, "No!" There was one man though that we could tell was feeling very torn. He wanted to come and talk to us...We pleaded with him to please come...He didn't. I will never forget his face...He was broken. My heart was broken for him. On the drive home when my time was over, I cried...I cried so hard! I was so crushed inside for these mothers, these fathers...their babies. I just couldn't ever come again to pray...It was too hard.
Back at home I prayed and begged God to help me since He called me to this. It was too hard! This was no longer fun and exciting! I was soooo unaware of just what these "sidewalk counselors" went through. I was so naive to what really went on! It was heart wrenching and I wanted out! I just couldn't watch another mother ignore me or flip me off and just walk right into the facility to abort her baby! I regretted getting involved! But, I knew that since I committed to scheduled times, that I had to do it. I didn't want to back out. But, I also didn't want to do it with an unwilling heart either. God reignited my desire very quickly and I knew it would be hard, but sometimes following Him in obedience isn't comfortable or easy. I set my own feelings aside and let Him lead.
The couple times after that were a very wide variety of different eventful things that happened. I was yelled at, flipped off, sworn at, had my yard signs stolen, threatened...But, I also was given supported honks, waves and thumbs up. People would stop to ask what we were doing and when we told them they praised God and thanked us! I got to "meet" the abortionist dr when he'd drive into work with his beautiful fancy sports car. When anger and hate began to flood my heart I prayed for him and for the other facility workers...I prayed that God would open their eyes and hearts to the truth of what they were doing, and to see that they were committing horrific sins against a Holy God. My usually very quiet and shy self was able to call out to the dr and tell him that I was praying for him, to call out to scared and desperate mothers, lost and confused fathers, lead prayer and even read scripture aloud with others. I know that was only by the Holy Spirit. I was also blessed to witness my children praying and reading scripture aloud as well. We shared our lunch with a homeless woman and prayed with her. I was able to share information with a Russian man who spoke very little english, but wanted to know what our signs meant. I was so blessed with seeing one young couple turn away. I made new friendships and deepened old ones, but most of all I was obedient to my Lord.
These past 40 days were such a gift. It started off being an exciting fun-ish thing to do, but ended up being a somber yet blessed adventure. I am so humbled and so thankful that God allowed me the opportunity to be a part of something much bigger than myself. Something I had always had a very huge passion for, but never really truly knew much about. I committed to praying for the unborn and an end to abortion...Which I did. I hoped and prayed that I would witness just one save...But, then God went and touched many areas of my life during this time. Totally unexpected and undeserved...But He did, just because He can!
I will always treasure and hold closely in my heart my very first 40 Days For Life campaign. To God be the glory!
|My 3 youngest at the Kick-Off Rally|
|My handsome little guy|
|My littlest and I|
|Praying at the road|
|Praying at the road|