Friday, September 25, 2015

The Disappointments Of Our Children

Have you ever noticed that when your children are excited about something, you are too? I mean of course as long as it's something safe...and well, legal. Their dreams and goals become our's too for them. When they are eager and anxiously awaiting for this really cool "something" to happen, you are too! And then, when they are disappointed because that "something" didn't really work out quite as they had are you. Their hurt becomes yours.

What's a mom to do? I know I can't just go and fix everything...Although I'd love to and sometimes I even try. But, as they get older I've learned that I have to step back and allow them to learn through their disappointments. Sometimes they get looked over and passed by, sometimes a friend may let them down, sometimes their disappointments are caused by unfair situations. Even though I'd love nothing more than to get involved and make things better, I shouldn't. These bummers now in life will help them deal with bigger bummers in the adult world. How my children learn to deal with disappointments now will help them deal with them as they grow.

Life will be filled with un-fairs, passovers, and too bads. Even though I will always want to defend my kiddos, it may be a bit inappropriate if at 45 years old my child has their 65 year old Mama showing up at work wagging her finger and giving their boss a piece of her mind because how dare they pass over her precious adorable pumpkin and give that other schmuck the position. Ya, that would probably be pretty awkward...for everyone.

No, I guess maybe instead I want my children to develop the skills needed to handle the un-fairs and too bads on their own...with humility. Is it ok to stand up for yourself if you feel you've been wronged? Well, yes, of course. But, not in a way that says, "Whaaa, you hurt my feelings!" It's ok to voice disappointment, especially if they feel like they've been wronged. I want my children to be in charge of their own reactions. Don't lose control and get all overly emotional. Don't take disappointments too personal. Sometimes it's not even about them, but instead about someone else and something that they may be dealing with. Sometimes people only see themselves and don't realize that they may be stepping over you...Be patient with them and give them grace. This doesn't mean to be a doormat, but it does mean to show them kindness regardless of how you feel they deserve to be treated. We are all dealing with something...Sometimes our personal lives affect who we are to others without even really meaning to.

I want them to honor themselves through their disappointments. I want them to keep being themselves...Don't lower their standards, settle, or become someone they are not just to please the crowd. If someone else has been given a position or a role that they wanted, it's ok. You still be you. Don't focus on the bummers of life...Instead focus on the awesome things you've done and have been able to do. Use your disappointments and grow through them, allowing them to strengthen you. As long as my children know that they've got nothing to be ashamed of, I want them to continue to be proud of themselves. Keep your head held high and smile!

Most of all, I want them to honor God in the midst of their disappointments. They are responsible for their own reactions to life and it's many ups and downs. Life will let us down...That is a given. But, how we live through those ups and downs is who we really are. We are not defined by our failures and disappointments. We are defined by He who lives in us.

My advice to my children is this...
The world may pass you by and look over you. The world may be unfair sometimes and hurt you. The world may let you down and disappoint you...But you just keep being you! Smile as bright as you always have! Love as big as you can! Celebrate your accomplishments! And shine for Him!

My girl...Celebrating in her accomplishments! 


  1. This was awesome, your gifts aND talents as a writer are fantastic. What lucky kids you have to have such a lovely mother!

    1. Oh my goodness...Thank you! I'd say I'm pretty lucky to have them too! ;o)