We moved a few months ago and since I got pregnant as soon as we moved in it seems, I wasn't able to really go through and unpack everything quite yet because my pregnancies are always chock full of nausea and super fun vomiting! Hehehe...kinda embarrassing! Anyways...since I only have 3 months to go I figured I better get moving...or well...rather, unpacking!
I was digging through a ton of boxes and bags of just "stuff"...clutter...junk...seriously just a bunch of useless stuff that for some reason I could never get rid of, throw out or pass on to someone else. I think I may have this terrible habit of keeping every single thing that ever crosses my path! I wouldn't call myself a hoarder per say...what hoarder would admit that anyway? But, I may be pretty close!
I seriously have so much junk I think it should be considered illegal to have this much useless stuff stored in one place! And, I've held onto to some of this stuff since I was a teenager! Why? Well, I am going to need it...right? Like, I have this really cute pair of jeans that I wore before I became a mom and I'm pretty sure that their kinda still in style and when I'm done having children they will probably fit me again, I think. Ok...do you see the problem with that whole statement of reasoning of mine?! First, it's really obvious that I am not done having children yet and who even knows when we will be! And, I honestly pray that they never ever fit me again...I was a tooth pick when I wore those things!
So as I was going through all of the things that I know really need to go...ASAP, I started thinking about things past...which made me think about my life and then about things growing up. I then realized that I really do have a habit of "holding onto things"...even things that aren't tangible physical things. I also realized that those things that I have never let go of have affected me as a person and have become a part of who I am. I mother a certain way and I "wife" a certain way...I always have guilt and stress. I'm always trying way to hard to do, do, do. I'm trying to hard to be perfect and not be like my parents. I want my family to just be happy...then when things go wrong I completely lose it and freak out! When I became saved, I gave everything to God...all of my sins were forgiven. But, what about the sins of my parents, grandparents, and other people in my life who have hurt me? I still held onto their sins. But why? Because they affected me as well, not just them. I still held onto my confusion, disappointment, sadness, fear, unforgive-ness (is that even a word?), anger and hate. I didn't even realize that I still had all of that packed away and stored up inside of me. This was the legacy passed on to me from my parents and their parents...this was a legacy passed on from other family members and other people in my life. This was a legacy my children were in danger of inheriting as well...maybe not in the same personal way as it was passed on to me...but there was still indeed a possibility of this legacy being passed on to them through my struggles and torment of not being able to let go.
For a few days I have been thinking about all of this unnecessary stuff just sitting around needing to be let go. How do I get rid of it? I CAN'T repent of other people's sin. But, I CAN forgive them for what they have done that has affected me personally. And, I don't need to call them up and say, "Hey, just wanted to let you know that I have forgiven you and everything is all good now." They don't even really need to know that I have forgiven them. Honestly, if they wanted my forgiveness they probably would have come to me personally and asked for it...and since they haven't, then they may not even think they've done anything that would render forgiveness in the first place...it would be silly and maybe even prideful for me to announce that I have forgiven them. Thus, leading to even more drama and even more heartache...and the point is forgiveness.
It's hard to let go and forgive...especially when that person could care less, or doesn't even know or realize what they have done, or you lost contact with them, or maybe they have even passed away. But, God has forgiven US for all of our sins against Him. He has said to us, "I forgive you and everything is forgotten and washed away clean...it's all good now." Ok...maybe He doesn't say, "It's all good now." But, you get the point. My biggest argument against that is, "Well He's God, He can forgive anything and everything...I'm just a human being, and they did (such & such)!" EXACTLY...He is God...I am just a human being! And, I am putting myself higher than God when I choose not to forgive someone for sinning against ME, a mere human being...but God Almighty, the creator of the universe forgives me when I sin against HIM! We need to forgive...He has commanded that we forgive, just as He has forgiven us. (Eph.4:32 & Col.3:12-13)
We come to God for forgiveness of our own sins...we confess them to Him. We can also come to God and "confess" the sins of those who hurt us...not for Him to forgive them...because only the sinner of the sin is able to repent and then receive forgiveness from God...but asking Him to help us to forgive them.
There can be an end to mine and my family's legacy. It really doesn't even have to be "mine" anymore. I have the power to let it go and let it end. There is a conscience decision here. It's not the old train of thought, "Well, life dealt me this hand of cards..." To some point your life is whatever your family makes it when you are younger, but eventually what life becomes is what you have decided to make it as you grow. It's your choice. Will you simply follow the old path already laid out and paved for you? Will you leave that old life behind, but then still hold onto resentment? Will you confess it all to God and then trust Him to heal you and grow you?
I've been working on cleaning out the garage, the basement, the closets, etc...Things need to go...I need to make room for our new little one and just buck-up and de-clutter away all of the un-needed, unnecessary, useless junk!
I am also slowly working on cleaning out my memories and my heart as well...Again, things need to go...I need to make room for our new memories and just buck-up and de-clutter away all of the un-needed, unnecessary, useless junk!
I have decided that my family is way to important and deserves more than my left over legacy and I will not be passing it down on to them. I will, with God's help be passing on a new family legacy, with new memories filled with lots of love, lots of patience, lots of trust and most importantly lots of love for God.
What will you do with all of your useless clutter...will it become a part of your legacy?