I was shocked...Shocked silent. I didn't know how to respond to her. I sat silently for a moment...a long awkward moment and then said, "Oh." All I said was, "Oh." The only thing that came out of my mouth was, "Oh". I was afraid to say anything else as I glanced over at my own children...I wanted to come right out and ask, "Oh, you had an abortion?" To which of course she would have answered yes. Then I would have asked her why. But, those words weren't coming out of my mouth...Just "Oh". I looked at another mother seated by me who sat there eyes widened as she played with her own daughter's braided hair. She looked shocked too...Both of us saying nothing....Both of us obviously shocked by the young mother's unapologetic honesty. I was thankful when the receptionist called us. I didn't even look at her when we passed by...Instead, with my head filled with whirling thoughts, heart filled with overwhelming emotion and eyes filled with tears, I smiled at her little boy...This precious little one year old full of life!
On the drive home I became filled with anger...How can she be so brazen about what she did? She aborted her twin baby girls! For her to know that they were twins AND girls, meant she had to be pretty far along. She had to have heard their heart beats...She had to have seen them moving and playing in her womb...Her girls...Her two baby girls! How does someone do that?! And then to talk about it so openly as if it were just casual conversation...As if she were just changing her mind at the grocery store putting something back on the shelf!
I thought to myself...I know women who have had abortions and now regret that decision. They are crushed and heartbroken by the choice they made to end their precious unborn baby's life. They often will say that they never knew their baby was as developed as they thought...That they were lied to at the clinic...That they thought their baby was just a "mass of tissue" or a "cluster of cells"...Not yet a formed baby. They are broken inside for the loss of their baby....A loss caused by their own choice. They have gone through post traumatic stress disorder, depression and suicidal thoughts or even attempts. But, here is this woman bragging to a waiting room that she "got rid of" her twin girls! No remorse...No shame. She obviously knew she wasn't aborting a mass of tissue...No, she knew full well that she was ending the lives...not the potential lives...but the actual lives of her two baby girls! Why?! AND, she's a mother! She had already given birth to a very healthy and beautiful baby boy! What could cause her to not allow those babies life?! I was getting madder and madder the further I drove and the further I thought.
I started thinking..."I wonder if there were any of those sidewalk counselor's there? Was there anyone out there calling out to her pleading for her children's lives? Was there anyone there speaking up for her children who have no voice? Hmmm...I bet not. I wonder if there had been, maybe those twin girls would still be here today. There needs to be more people out there doing that. Where were they?"
And then it hit me...I heard God say to my heart..."Where were YOU?"
I cried...Where was I? That's the real question...We all want others to get the work done...But, where am I? Maybe if I was out there, those twin girls would still be here...Or perhaps maybe not...But, I will never know that because I wasn't there.
No more waiting for someone else to do the work. I am committing myself to being there. I don't know where to start or even what to say. But, I know that I can no longer sit safely at home hiding behind my computer posting pro-life pictures, quotes and articles on FaceBook, Twitter, etc...while wondering "where they were".
I have to...No, I must get out there and be there. I feel unworthy...I know that I am not capable of changing other people's minds...But...God is.
I am trusting in Him who is calling me to be there...
Rescue those who are being taken away to death;
hold back those who are stumbling to the slaughter.
If you say, "Behold, we did not know this,"
does not he who weighs the heart perceive it?
Does not he who keeps watch over your soul know it,
and will he not repay man according to his work?
An ultrasound image of 13 week old twins